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I started manager training on Friday. I decided I should probably break the cycle and not jump ship because of slightly hard times. I’m never going to get anywhere if I keep giving up. GNC is perfect for where I’m trying to go in life and I’m going to try to stick it out.  Once I get full time, GNC will mostly pay for nutrition school, and that would totally make up for the crap I’m dealing with now. The only way I’m going full time, though, is to become a manager. I know it will be a slow process, but I’m willing to do it. Sitting at a desk answering phones is such an easy way out. I doubt it would ever make me happy. I’m just going to keep busting my ass the way I have been and use GNC to my advantage.

I feel so lonely lately, even though for the most part, I’ve been surrounded by family.  I know why. It’s something that sucks but I have no control over. He’s mad at me now because I said something about it (I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, but he insisted), but I think he knows I’m right.

I had the worst day at GNC yet on Friday. I can’t believe I even made it through it. Crying on the phone to your boss (and that’s just one of the three times I burst into tears that day) is really embarrassing. Having your boss be the only person you can tell about your real problems is pretty pathetic.  Having a boss that listens and encourages you to talk to her and actually makes you feel better is neat. Having something to blame such a rough patch on? Priceless.

I learned a lesson the hard way. I’m just not built for it.

I had chicken schwarma today. I had a good excuse! I made Jesse tried it because she had no idea.  Of course she loved it!

I hate Wednesdays. Seriously. It’s like Mondays for most people x10. First, I have to go to work. Not so bad. Not so bad, at least, unless you know you have to be there for 10 hours! Ten hours compared to my usual 6, tops. 10 hours at GNC is an Eternity. Ia ctually enjoy my 6 hour days. They’re usually short, I work mornings so I get to have my afternoons to do whatever, and I get to talk to someone during overlap. It’s nice. On Wednesdays, no one ever comes in. Not until I get bored and start reading or maybe have to pee. Then they come in by the group. By then, it feels liek they’re interrupting me. Interrupting whatever I was doing to wait for them to come in.

I talked to my manager and she’s betting on $60 in commission. I’m expecting more like $10, like my usual Wednesday. On a regular 6 hour day I make about $20-$40. On a 6 hour day. While I make $10 on a 10 hour day. Make any sense? To repeat what I told my boss, “the Wednesday gods have it out for me.” I wonder what a suitable sacrifice to them would be for a day-of-the week god. Wednesday panties? A 5 year old and a Labrador maybe?

Since when do I have allergies? I haven’t had a snot-free nose in about a month now. I assume most of the blame can go to the pollen. The pollen that covers everything like volcanic ash. A giant flowery volcano has erupted and I am very upset I wasn’t warned. I’d have temporarily moved somewhere without flowers or volcanoes. My red car is yellow every morning!

I am so very tired this today. The responsibility gods are trying to teach me a lesson. I went out to random redneck bars three nights in a row with Mimi. Seems like the fact that only one of those nights were actually fun would have been punishment enough. No. They must punish me at work.

Lucy is already growing. I’ve already had to adjust her collar once since we got her. She spends a large hunk of her time in her kennel house-training. I’ve never mopped my floor so much in my life. Although it has given me a chance to use my awesome lavender and peppermint hemp soaps, I miss being able to clean whenever I felt like it. It was usually every day, but if I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to. Not so anymore.

I’m at work, writing this in a notebook, halfway reading Maynard and Jennica, halfway writing some prose and barely surviving on Detox tea and water.I’m off tomorrow and my car is kinda fixed. What will I do?!

The beer diet worked for me this weekend. I was shocked when the little paper the scale at work (”have you checked your weight today?“) prints out every morning said I had lost a pound instead of the anticipated gain of at least the same amount. I’m not sure how that worked, but it did and I’m OK with it.