lemonlimetree.org

    Seth has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to find out if he needs to see a therapist. I never really considered it, because I thought depression never showed until adolescence, but he’s got almost every sign of depression. He’s not running away or trying to kill himself, but he IS only five.

I told my aunt about it today, she told me that she wished she has gotten Josh into therapy when he was a child instead of calling it a phase and waiting for it to pass, which is what I’ve been doing. Josh is now diagnosed bi-polar and can’t deal with humans civilly. She can’t make him go to doctors because he’s an adult now. I’ll definitely take that as advice on the positive to what I’m doing.

My grandmother looked at me like I was crazy at first. She does that a lot. She said she doesn’t notice it at all, but Seth almost made her cry a couple of days ago telling her he doesn’t like her and then ignoring her.  That’s just not my baby.

I talked to the woman at GP today. After blowing me off for about 2 weeks, she finally told me that they’re not going to hire anyone. This is after she said I had the job. After I asked her if it depended on someone else, or if I had it and she said I had it. Yeah. Maybe I don’t want to work for you anyway, lady. I went to my interview at Venue Docket yesterday, and I’ll find out tomorrow if I have it. It’s something I’m actually pretty excited about.The interview made me so nervous, I could hardly answer their questions, though. I hope that doesn’t affect their decision.

This picture makes me feel a little better.

I’m home alone. It feels so fucking nice. I haven’t been feeling like going anywhere. It will at least save people from my complaining about my belly. Also, I don’t really feel welcome where everyone else is. Rachel called to check on me. That was nice of her. It’s not her fault I don’t feel welcome. Doesn’t change the truth, though. Eh, it happens.

I find out tomorrow about that job I supposedly got with GP. The woman seems to be blowing me off every time I call, telling me that it should be Friday, Monday, or Tuesday, depending on the day I call. It doesn’t seem like a company of that size would do that. I suppose I’ll find out. I’ve gotten a lot of calls since I went to this interview and was told I have the job. Some of the interviews I’ve turned down, some I’ve made for after Monday, which she said would be the latest I would know.

Tuesday, I have an interview at a downtown company for a Document Scanning Specialist position. I’ve weaseled all the information I can out of them through email; they don’t have a website. If what I’m thinking is correct, the name is pretty self explanatory and that’s what I’ll be doing. I imagine that could get old pretty quickly. It really all comes down to the job at GP paying more. I’ve never been the type to choose money over happiness, but I’d rather be miserable and be able to afford school than be happy with a dead-end job.

I’ve been trying to get rid of the block in my head. I haven’t created anything digitally in a while, save for the Nikki Stardust thing I made to post on her MySpace comments. I’ve got a few new pages in my sketchbook, but nothing overly creative. I’ve been starting things and then getting up and walking away. I leave it open to that page so I have to see it every time I walk by. I’m always afraid it’s going to go away forever, but I find that I’m usually in need of trying something new when I have creativity block.

I want a recliner! i found a method of meditating that won’t kill my knees. That seems to be my trouble with meditation. Seated fucks with my knees so bad that I think about it too much. I was gonna get a recliner anyway for reading, and now I have another reason. I still would love to participate in group meditation. Oh to live somewhere it exists. Like say Every Tuesday at 7:30PM. Yeah, like there.

Just for fun, a photo of my art desk (freshly painted YAY!) with the open page and a million gazillion art supplies. Oh and a stack of journals and paper samples.