lemonlimetree.org

Dear people I like,

I’m so sorry I haven’t been able to hang out lately. I know I seem like a big old flake, and I understand if you don’t even ask me to hang out anymore. Life has been so ridiculously lame lately. When I’m not running errands, I’m working. Living far away seems to be the root of my problems right now. I’m working on it. When things get easier and I learn to manage the little time I have, I really hope you’re all still there. Thanks for understanding, and if you don’t… thanks for not yelling at me. And for the awesome people I recently met, I swear I’m not always like this. 

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Dear assholes,

Get a fucking life and stop making mine suck.

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    I’m getting more and more used to working again. It’s almost embarrassing how used to not working I was. Today was nice, though. It’s my day off and I did nothing all day. I stayed in my pajamas and watched HBO. The Lake House, Just My Luck and Accepted came on. That actually took up most of the day.

After Just My Luck, Seth and I went and got ice cream and milkshakes. Mmmm chocolate milkshake. Mmm.

Tomorrow I work from 9:30a ’til 3:30p. pretty decent hours. I don’t have to get up terribly early and I don’t have to drive at night. I’m catching on to things at work. I don’t feel like such a dumb ass anymore. It’s going to work out, I think. I hope my manager feels the same way.

I think Jenn and Tommy are going to visit during Spring Break. I can’t wait! I have to find so much stuff to do, otherwise it will be ridiculously boring here. I’m thinking of setting up tours of the local wineries. I’ve lived around here all my life and I’ve never been inside them. I guess it wouldn’t have been a whole lot of fun, anyway.

    The woman at GNC is sick and apparently contagious, so I can’t start until Thursday. A lot of people would probably be pretty happy about this. I have been looking for so long, just waiting for the day I start work. I can’t wait to start ASAP. Now, ASAP is Thursday, so I’ll just have to deal with it. I’m only a little paranoid about my starting day being put off. I’ve been lied to quite a bit about having a position only to find out someone else got it. I don’t think this is the case now. We shall see.

I got a response from Jenn the other day when I sent a text message. I thought she got her number changed and I’d never talk to her again. I need to call her today. Maybe set up a day to come visit. I ‘d like to go when it’s warmer so we could go to the beach at least once. It’s a shame to go to Fort Walton and not visit the beach. Just a shame.

Also, I keep calling another friend of mine and they won’t ever answer or call me back. Smart me tells me to stop calling them. Stop looking like a desperate dumbass. The rest of me says “PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE! PLEASE BEFORE I DIE OF NOT TALKING TO YOU!!”. Because that’s what will happen. I will die. I am dying.

I need to get back to doing junk. I haven’t added anything to DA in weeks. I haven’t touched anything colorful.

I’m home alone. It feels so fucking nice. I haven’t been feeling like going anywhere. It will at least save people from my complaining about my belly. Also, I don’t really feel welcome where everyone else is. Rachel called to check on me. That was nice of her. It’s not her fault I don’t feel welcome. Doesn’t change the truth, though. Eh, it happens.

I find out tomorrow about that job I supposedly got with GP. The woman seems to be blowing me off every time I call, telling me that it should be Friday, Monday, or Tuesday, depending on the day I call. It doesn’t seem like a company of that size would do that. I suppose I’ll find out. I’ve gotten a lot of calls since I went to this interview and was told I have the job. Some of the interviews I’ve turned down, some I’ve made for after Monday, which she said would be the latest I would know.

Tuesday, I have an interview at a downtown company for a Document Scanning Specialist position. I’ve weaseled all the information I can out of them through email; they don’t have a website. If what I’m thinking is correct, the name is pretty self explanatory and that’s what I’ll be doing. I imagine that could get old pretty quickly. It really all comes down to the job at GP paying more. I’ve never been the type to choose money over happiness, but I’d rather be miserable and be able to afford school than be happy with a dead-end job.

I’ve been trying to get rid of the block in my head. I haven’t created anything digitally in a while, save for the Nikki Stardust thing I made to post on her MySpace comments. I’ve got a few new pages in my sketchbook, but nothing overly creative. I’ve been starting things and then getting up and walking away. I leave it open to that page so I have to see it every time I walk by. I’m always afraid it’s going to go away forever, but I find that I’m usually in need of trying something new when I have creativity block.

I want a recliner! i found a method of meditating that won’t kill my knees. That seems to be my trouble with meditation. Seated fucks with my knees so bad that I think about it too much. I was gonna get a recliner anyway for reading, and now I have another reason. I still would love to participate in group meditation. Oh to live somewhere it exists. Like say Every Tuesday at 7:30PM. Yeah, like there.

Just for fun, a photo of my art desk (freshly painted YAY!) with the open page and a million gazillion art supplies. Oh and a stack of journals and paper samples.