How the fuck could he never mention anything good about me. Act like I might be someone he’s physically attracted to. Ever. Never ever. And now he’s talking about how pretty all these girls are. How hot they look. Fuck him.
All I wanted was some attention. the kind people generally get from the person they’re with. Too much to ask, I know. Only when I stop giving it does anything come of it. Oh, then the shit hits the fan.
I miss you so bad, lovely. y o u. I never needed anything extra.
I haven’t posted in a while, have I? I actually have had a lot to say, too. I just have way too much going on, mostly in my
head, to even think about sitting in front of the computer anymore. I’d usually rather lie in bed until I fall asleep to make thoughts pass quicker. It sounds sad, but this will pass. Everything always does. I know I’ve criticized the phrase because there are some things that definitely don’t apply, but I’m maybe going to adopt the “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” approach. Again, I’m being vague. I need to seriously consider trying meditation again.
I got a super-sunburn. It’s not so much super as SUPER-OUCH! The really sad part is how I did it on purpose. I didn’t expect it to lastvery long, though. My no-ad glitter junk hasn’t failed me until now. It used to make me burn for a total of 24 hours, then fade it right to a pretty golden tan. I’m going to get skin cancer so bad! On my belly! Showers, work, and sleeping on my belly have been made miserable thanks to one bad idea. Oh yeah, notice how my belly button hole is white. White! Insult to injury in it’s purest form.
I’m supposed to be on here starting my “School of Retail Selling” class. I got on, Vanni was online, so I decided to show him my sunburn. Then I started reading Lavish. Then i decided to post something here. Eventually I will get to it. I need to. Apparently, I’m a Hippo when it comes to retail selling. I want to be a lion or at the very least, an otter!
I ate Chinese yesterday (stupid) and my fortune cookie was awesome. I know it will be an important bit of advice sometime, so I’m keeping it in my wallet, right next to my identity.
Also, to someone who will never read this, I actually have to get my life straight too, you douche. Everyone does. You’re not special. Look, I kind of feel better. Kind of.
And to someone else, Why are you making yourself so inaccessible for this conversation that WILL happen one day? One day soon, too. Do you see it coming, or are you actually avoiding it on accident? Nope. this one didn’t make me feel a bit better.
I’ve got inward complications. Shame I don’t have people to talk to that actually know about me and my life and wouldn’t judge me for what goes on in my head. This will ruin something. I am a ruiner. But to be quite honest, I try to fix it and blame gets reversed. What can you do, really, but just put up with it until it breaks? Yeah, I love obscure posts, too.
Also, I broke the key off in the door at work. Things like that happen to me. I almost got tomorrow off because of it, but they got it fixed this afternoon. I’m lucky I didn’t get forever off for it.
I saw another alligator today in the flood water. That makes for the second I’ve seen so far in the wild. I had my dog with me so I was a head case the whole while we were out there. ‘Gators like dogs. Not the way I like her. He wants to eat her.
I feel so lonely lately, even though for the most part, I’ve been surrounded by family. I know why. It’s something that sucks but I have no control over. He’s mad at me now because I said something about it (I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, but he insisted), but I think he knows I’m right.
I had the worst day at GNC yet on Friday. I can’t believe I even made it through it. Crying on the phone to your boss (and that’s just one of the three times I burst into tears that day) is really embarrassing. Having your boss be the only person you can tell about your real problems is pretty pathetic. Having a boss that listens and encourages you to talk to her and actually makes you feel better is neat. Having something to blame such a rough patch on? Priceless.
I learned a lesson the hard way. I’m just not built for it.
I had chicken schwarma today. I had a good excuse! I made Jesse tried it because she had no idea. Of course she loved it!
When did the Suicide Girls lower their standards? I was going through the Flickr account for SG, and too many of them either look like a regular softcore porno chick with a lip ring, or a crackhead with a ghetto tattoo of her boyfriend’s name. There are still some hot hot hot ones, but damn. also, I saw a girl that looked almost exactly like my 16 year old cousin. Call me grossed out.
Also, does anyone know of a moisturizer that won’t make me break out. I break out super easily. I need SPF. Also also. I know to use oil free and I’ve tried ones with salicylic acid. they’re both not winners. I prefer experience.
This happens to me at least once a year, but I’m fucking sick of this place. I hate the crappy house I live in, but I hate that rent has gone up hundreds in the past couple of years even worse. I’d rather live in this piece of shit house than pay 1200 to live in bland-as-shit Zachary. I hate the fact that I have to drive a car everywhere except to walk my dog, and even sometimes then. I’m sick of how much gas costs to do so, pretty much preventing me from saving any money to actually get the fuck out of here. It feels like some kind of prison. This lovely place where people still call me “white girl”. Where people don’t understand what the hell you’re saying. Where the only thing people remember about me is that I had a kid when I was 16. Some history.What even is the point of staying here? Summer’s coming and I’m still here. another fucking summer spent in this redneck hellhole. Wonderful.
Before it was all peachy if I just ignored it. Before, I had a lot of friends, too. I don’t really have many now. I hate to say it, but I don’t really want them back either. If I can lose them that easily, they can stay gone. I have some of my family, and that’s good but I know I’d still have them. Besides, they’re likely to turn on me any second the way things go in my family. Anywho.
I want out.
Shame no one else in my household does. I’d have left already, easy.
I have no idea what was going on. My apostrophe key would open up “Quick Find”. You know, that bar at the bottom that’s usually awesome? Not so awesome when I’m just trying to type “don’t”. Firefox has actually been doing a lot of crazy junk lately. I’ll be typing a sentence, and it will put the last half in front of the first half. It’s strange. I just assume it’s because I have more people on my computer now and they’re just clicking on junk. When I have a laptop, no one is touching it. For real.
I’m trying to study some of the vitamins and minerals and everything at GNC while I’m off. I don’t think I’ve ever been put in a situation where I felt so absolutely dumb to everything. People come in the door and I ask “Can I help you” and the entire time, I know I probably can’t. I’m getting better. I can help you with losing weight and with a cold. I, however, know nothing about the working out muscle building stuff. I’m learning. I wish there was always someone in there with me who knows when I don’t. I feel so bad when I actually can’t help someone.
Something slightly related to GNC: I started taking St. John’s Wort again, except I’m taking 2 capsules 2-3 times a day like I’m supposed to. I thought it would take longer but it’s been about a week and a half and I’m feeling better than any pharmaceutical antidepressant has ever made me feel. I feel like it’s helping with social anxiety. Neither Lexapro nor Prozac helped with that. They really only made me feel worse because I thought they SHOULD be helping and they weren’t. So St. John’s Wort is a win.
I’M GETTING A PUPPY!! I haven’t found her yet, but we’re going to get a Bassett Hound puppy. I was going to wait until I found a young Bassett from a shelter, but we have decided to get a puppy instead. I know, I know. The absolute right thing to do is rescue an adult. I’ve done this twice and it has not worked for me yet. I ,for once, want to have a baby that I can train and not have to squash out old habits. Which is hard. Really hard. My situation (2 cats, multiple people to interact with, and a 5 year old) doen’t allow for a lot of the issues that shelter dogs come with. I’d LOVE if I could rescue an adult, but I can’t. Especially with a hound. Anyway. I’M GETTING A PUPPY!! I feel like I’m about to have a baby. I can’t wait to rub her ears and her giant feet. I can’t wait to kiss her head. Oh and clean her poop. Can’t forget that.
Image Explanation: I’ve been researching Noni so I can know what to tell people when they come in. I haven’t found a whole lot, yet. What I have found is that Noni smells so bad it is referred to as “Cheese Fruit”, “Starvation Fruit”, and even “Vomit Fruit”. That is so freaking gross. I have to wonder now if the stuff we sell smells like that. I’ll have to ask Sharon when I see her. —- p.s. why is it SO difficult to add caption in Wordpress?
Tabatha | 
06 1st, 2008| 